I’ve always been interested in health and wellness, and have enjoyed trying out new things to improve the quality of my life. But if you were to ask me to pick just ONE thing that has made a huge difference to my life, it’s without question learning the skill of developing habits. It might not sound very exciting, but without question, mastering this skill has enabled me to make so many other positive changes.
Why?
Because life is busy. I am a mum, I run a business, I have lots of interests, and I want to fit a lot into my days. Without being able to develop habits that I can rely on every day, I struggle to do the things that matter to me. I used to feel like I was living on autopilot, going through the motions everyday, but not actually doing the things that I knew would make me feel good or bring me joy. I always thought I was too busy or didn’t have time for them, whether that be exercising, meditating, writing, reading etc. It gets frustrating when you can’t do the things that you want to. I am sure you can relate to that feeling too.
Learning about behaviour change and how to develop tiny habits was a game changer for me, and I hope it is for you too.
I can now fit (most!) things that I want to do in the day, and the best part, I don’t even think about it, I just do it.
“The quality of our lives depends on the quality of our habits”
James Clear
How?
By getting focused on SMALL actions that I can do everyday. And when I say small, what I really mean is TINY. In the words of James Clear,
“When you start a new habit, it should take less than 2 minutes to do. Because once you start to do the right thing, it’s much easier to continue to do it”.
Maybe your goal is to start running. Instead of focusing on the goal of running 5k, your goal would be to run for 2 minutes every day. That’s it. Why? Because it’s so much easier to build on that once you get started. You can’t get better at something until you consistently show up and practice it. At first you just need to get started. Once you consistently do the activity, you can then build and improve it, but at first you just need to master the art of showing up.
Step 1: What do you want?
What goals do you have? What do you want to achieve? What do you wish you could do? The first step is to be really clear about what you want to do. Then ask yourself these two important questions –
- Can I get myself to do this?
- And most importantly, do I really want to do this?
Sometimes we focus on what we think we should do, not what we want to do. You’ve got to want to do this. You can’t reliably get yourself to do what you don’t want to do. Some people say they want to run a marathon, but do they actually? Maybe. But maybe not. Sometimes we think we want to do things because society or the people around us are doing them. We need to get quiet with our own thoughts and focus on what we really want to do, not just what others want us to do.
Another word of caution here – don’t think of the “ideal” you. For example, it might sound great to say you’ll get out of bed every morning at 5am to go running. But is that realistic in your life? If you have kids to get up and get ready for school, that might not work. Does the REAL you actually want to do that? Do you really want to go out in the dark on those cold, wet mornings? Maybe, maybe not… only you know the answer to that, but be realistic.
It’s helpful to think of yourself doing the behaviour on your hardest days, when you’re tired, stressed, over worked and limited for time. Because the key skill to master is sticking to these tiny habits everyday, not just on the good days.
What if you don’t know what you want?
Sometimes we don’t have clear goals, and feel like we are lacking direction. It’s ok if you feel like this. Don’t beat yourself up. Many of us go through life rushing about trying to please everyone else, we don’t slow down and think about what we really want. If you don’t know, be kind to yourself. Try to start thinking about it when you get a moment to yourself.
What do you enjoy? What lights you up? Are you pleased with how you feel right now? Do you wish you could make changes in your life, if so, what are they? Do you wish you could lose weight, start a hobby, be more active, eat healthier?
These are all good places to start. Take some time to think about this, it’s not a rush. One of the most important gifts that you can give yourself is the space to start focusing on what you really want from your life.
Step 2: What’s the starter step?
Once you know what you want, you need to break down the goal/ activity into something REALLY tiny.
One good way to think about this is to ask yourself, what could you do in 2 minutes to work on this goal everyday?
For example:
I want to write a book = I can write one sentence today
I want to start running = I will lace up my trainers and get out the door
I want to start meditating = I will sit calmly on the floor with my legs crossed
Are you wondering how 2 minutes is enough to make a difference, or what good that will do? I used to question that too – what’s the point in a workout if I haven’t got half an hour at least?
The point is that you need to just get started. You can always do more, build on it or improve later. But too often we have a ‘go hard or go home’ attitude, we make it too hard, and then we never do it again. Instead, we need to make it easy, and master the art of showing up everyday to work on these things.
Improving by 1% might be less noticeable in the short term, but is far more meaningful in the long term.
Improving 1% each day for 1 year means you’ll be 37 times better than you are now!
If I waited until I had 30 minutes to myself to exercise everyday, I’d never get started. But if I just start with 2 minutes, and then over time that becomes 5 or 10 minutes, suddenly I’m being far more consistent with my exercise than I ever would have been when I had the mindset that anything short of 30 minutes wasn’t worth it.
Step 3: Identify your anchor!
You need to make it SO easy for you to do this tiny activity. That way, you’re not having to think about when, how or if you are going to do it, you just do it without thinking, procrastinating or making any big decisions.
Make life as easy as possible… anchor your habit onto another one!
How?
What will be your prompt (or anchor) to do this tiny habit? It can be helpful to use other things that you ALWAYS do everyday as your anchors, as you don’t miss those, so you’ll never miss the anchor.
For example, brushing your teeth, making a morning coffee, having a shower, making breakfast. What things do you do every day? Use these as your prompts.
“After I have brushed my teeth, I will (Insert tiny behaviour)– e.g. lace up my trainers and go outside, sit down to meditate, read one page of my book.
Every evening after I put my son to bed, I get changed into my exercise clothes and do a quick workout. My prompt is shutting his bedroom door after putting him to bed – I do this everyday, so I won’t miss it. Then I have to act immediately – if I go to sit on the sofa for 10 minutes, I’m definitely not going to get up again to go and exercise. Instead, I make it SO easy for myself to get this right everyday. And it works!
“No behaviour happens without a prompt”
BJ Fogg
So, what anchors can you use in your life to make starting this tiny habit/ behaviour as easy as possible?
Step 4: Celebrate!
When you’ve practiced your tiny habit, you must celebrate. Instant pleasure will reinforce the behaviour.
“Emotions create habits” BJ Fogg
How can you celebrate?
Well for me, I feel good after exercising, and celebrate with cooking a delicious, healthy, nutritious meal. I can celebrate writing a sentence on my blog by reading or relaxing in the bath.
I think it’s important that the way you celebrate should be in line with your goals though. If you have just done 2 minutes of running because you want to be fitter, celebrating with a greasy takeaway might not be the best idea. How can you celebrate in a way that fits the type of person you’re trying to become?
Why is this such a game changer?
By focusing on building tiny habits everyday, I have been able to fit so much more into my day. And most importantly, I am doing the things I enjoy. I can make sure I am walking, exercising, reading, writing etc. I just need to form tiny habits and make them happen.
Unfortunately, many of us want instant results, and we don’t have the patience to commit to long term processes. We want the 6 pack abs now, we want to be able to run a 5k tomorrow. Instead, I believe we need to practice patience, and get to work on creating the life we want everyday, and focus more on the process than the goals.
Enjoy doing all the tiny things everyday that give you energy, and the goals you want will ultimately follow.
You can achieve anything you want in your life by developing the right habits. So, what do you want, and what tiny habits can you start working on today?
If you want further reading on this topic, I can’t recommend these two books more – I LOVED them both!
-Atomic Habits by James Clear
-Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg
James Clear also has a brilliant email newsletter, and he often speaks on the topic of habits on different Podcasts. Well worth checking out!