Are you struggling to get motivated in life? Maybe you want to lose weight, get fitter or improve your diet. Many of us struggle with a lack of motivation at times, and it can lead to frustration and feeling like we’re not achieving our goals.
At times in the past when I have been struggling to get back into an exercise routine or I have found myself wanting to eat a bit healthier, but not really sticking to it, I have focused on my lack of motivation. What’s wrong with me, why can’t I be like X or Y – they have so much energy, they don’t miss a workout, I wish I was like them… etc. It’s easy for this negative self-talk to creep in when you can’t seem to find the motivation to get going.
The truth about motivation is that it comes and goes – for everyone. Even the fittest Olympic athlete will tell you that there are days they don’t want to train. That’s totally normal, after all, we’re all human. Nobody is perfect, and nobody feels motivated every single day.
Get disciplined, not motivated
The DIFFERNCE is that the successful people who you are aspiring to be like are NOT relying on motivation. They show up for the workout rain or shine. They commit to doing it, whether they feel like it or not. It’s not about motivation, it’s about discipline. Discipline to commit to your goals, to do the work that you need to do to make them a reality.
The trouble is, most of us don’t realise this. Instead, we chase motivation. But think about it, if motivation is so fluid and comes and goes, why are we relying on it to make positive changes? It seems like a risky strategy to me. Sure, on the days when I get up and feel energised and the sun is shining, I can probably muster enthusiasm to lace up my trainers and get outside. But on the days when I’m stressed and get back from work late? Forget it – all willpower has gone out the window!
And for those times when you don’t feel like doing the things you want to do, (which is often by the way)– we’re all really good at coming up with excuses (too tired, too stressed, no time etc). We justify not doing the things we know we need or want to do. But if we keep doing this, we never achieve our goals, or feel fulfilled. We never make the commitment to ourselves to improve our health or happiness. Breaking this cycle is essential if you want to move forwards in life.
Instead, try to focus on discipline. In other words, above all else, commit to yourself. Start showing up for you. Your goals, dreams, desires, they all matter. YOU matter. You have to find a way to put what you want first and to start slowly working towards it. You’re bigger than your excuses, and you deserve to feel happier.
Get to work on making systems
Systems!?
Stay with me…
Systems work because they are basically processes for making the things you want to do happen as easily as possible, with minimum choice and as little resistance as possible. It’s how you get yourself from exercising rarely to exercising daily. From cooking one healthy meal a week to doing it 5 times a week. From never going for a walk to putting on your trainers everyday. From wishing you could start a new hobby, to actually doing it. In other words, you’re not leaving it down to chance as to whether you’re going to work on your goals or not.
You can’t control your motivation, but you can control the systems you put in place in your life. And if you’re thinking this sounds boring, complicated or like too much work, let me tell you, the opposite is true. Seriously. If you put the system in place, it makes doing the things you want to do SO easy, because all you need to do is follow the system. No chickening out because it’s raining, no decision not to do it because you’re tired. You’re eliminating motivation (which is unreliable), you’re eliminating choice (also unreliable – in the moment when you feel tired, you won’t make the best choice). You’re taking positive action.
You just need the discipline to make the system, and follow the system.
It’s easier than you think
Let me show you how easy this is with a recent example from my own life.
I wanted to return to exercise after having my baby, but I was struggling to find time, and I definitely wasn’t feeling particularly motivated in my sleep deprived state. It felt like a big thing to get started again, and I kept hitting a bit of a mental block, not really getting going with it. Occasionally I’d do a little bit, but mainly I was going days before doing it again.
I was in the fairly typical trap of relying on our good old friend, motivation. The problem was, on 6 out of 7 days of the week, my friend didn’t show up, so of course I didn’t do any exercise.
If I was serious about exercising again, I had to find another way.
So, what did I do? I got to work making a system. I looked at my day and worked out when would be a good time for me to exercise. Morning? Afternoon? Evening?
The first step was trying to find an anchor point in my day – what do I do pretty much everyday? This is important, because this was going to be my trigger for exercise. In my case, I put my son to bed every single night at 7pm. I can’t opt out of doing that(!). So, I decided this would be my anchor. Putting Rex to bed would be the trigger I needed to exercise. As soon as I shut his bedroom door, that was my cue… Maddy, it’s time for your exercise. Go and get changed, and get it done.
Did I feel like it? No. Did I have the energy? No. Did I feel motivated? Absolutely not. But it doesn’t matter. Sometimes I felt REALLY sleepy having just spent half an hour in a dark room with my son, with his calming, sleep inducing music playing!
As soon as I shut that bedroom door, I had to silence the voice in my head, which was saying “I don’t feel like it”, “I’m tired”, “Maybe not today”… ALL the excuses would flash into my brain. How did I get past that? I had to take immediate action – don’t give yourself time or energy to think about that voice in your head. In my case, I went to my bedroom, got changed and headed to do my exercise straight away. This is important, because if I had gone and sat down for a while first, or made a cup of tea or sat on the sofa, there’s NO way I was getting back up. You need to take IMMEDIATE action at your anchor point.
Your anchor point will be different to mine. Think about things you do everyday. Maybe it’s after you brush your teeth, have had breakfast, finished dinner. These are great points to add in the actions we want to take, because you are doing them everyday.
Make it easy!
The next step is essential – MAKE IT EASY. It needs to be so easy that your brain can’t talk you out of it. I decided all I had to do was to commit to 10 minutes of exercise. Sure, I could do more if I felt like it, but 10 minutes was the minimum. So even if I really didn’t feel like it, 10 minutes was still not long, and that felt achievable. For you, this action will be different. If you want to read more, start by reading one page, if you want to eat healthily, maybe you can try one simple, quick recipe.
Maybe you’re thinking that this doesn’t sound like enough -what’s 10 minutes of exercise going to do!? But it’s not about that, it’s about committing to yourself and showing up for YOU.
I had to learn the art of showing up, every day to work on something that matters to me (exercise). Once I’ve done that, I can always make it harder, exercise for longer or challenge myself more. But I can’t do any of those things if I can’t ever commit to doing it in the first place.
Often we are overly ambitious from the beginning – we want to read more, so we set ourselves the goal of reading a book a week, we want to run more, so we say we’ll go out and run 5k. These are admirable goals, but often we make them too hard, and then get frustrated and beat ourselves up when we can’t achieve them.
Start with showing up, make it harder later!
In order to make changes achievable, we need to make them TINY and EASY. Start reading a page a day, or running for 5 minutes. If you start small, you can build on it. By making it too hard from the off, we’re just adding another layer of resistance and giving ourselves a way out – we can always tell ourselves it’s too hard, takes too long or is too difficult. We want to make it as easy as possible, so our inner voice has very little wiggle room to get out of it!
Another helpful tip to eliminate friction from this process is to think about your environment. Is it set up to help you to easily perform the action you want to? If you want to start Yoga, maybe you can leave your yoga mat out, so it’s ready for you (eliminating a friction point of having to find it before you can get started). Maybe you can fill the fridge with vegetables, making it easier to cook a healthy dinner. Perhaps you can get your exercise clothes out the night before, and leave them ready to put on in the morning, instead of expecting your sleepy brain to find them when you get up.
It’s about making the things you want to do as EASY as possible. Eliminate friction and the decisions you need to make on those days when you know you won’t feel like doing it.
Reward yourself!
This really helps! In my case, my reward was dinner after I finished my exercise. I felt like I had earnt it after moving my body. A note on rewards though, it’s best to reward yourself with something that aligns to the behaviour you’re trying to create. Yes, I could reward myself with a chocolate bar, but that goes against the idea of trying to be healthier by exercising more. Instead, my reward of a healthy, nourishing dinner is a lot more aligned to the person I want to be. Maybe your reward is a hot bath, a chat with a friend, relaxing or reading. It doesn’t matter what it is, but it does matter that it’s aligned with the type of person you want to be.
Set the system, then focus on the start – the anchor point
Once you have a simple system to follow, you just need to focus on the anchor point, because this is your trigger for taking action. Be disciplined to recognise the anchor (remember for me that’s shutting the door when I’ve put my son to bed). If you can use the anchor as you’re trigger, all you need to do is go through the motions of taking action.
Miss your anchor point and you miss the action completely.
I’ve found by forgetting motivation and instead putting my energy into being disciplined to create anchor points or triggers in my day for the things I want to do, this has been a game changer. Now I am exercising everyday, not because I am more motivated than you, but just because I’ve developed such a simple system, so simple I can follow it every single day.
Getting started…
Choose an anchor in your day.
Plan what action you’re going to do.
Eliminate choice.
Make it easy.
Reward yourself.
The best bit? It requires zero motivation, and it works!
You can do this for anything you want to achieve in your life.
It’s not sexy. Nobody wants to work on discipline or making systems, I get that. But it’s a smart way to make positive changes that actually stick. Fall in love with the process, and start to actually realise your dreams by committing to the daily actions you need to take.
There’s no quick fix, just the daily commitment to show up and take action when you get to those anchor points in your day.
So next time you feel you’re lacking motivation, stop for a minute and ask yourself a different question –
What systems can you put in place to achieve your goals?